The Gurly Life

The gym

I recently decided to take up weight training. Don't get excited, I won't be going more than once a week. However, since I am obviously the weakest link in that weight room, I thought I might show you what it's like by a Pictorial Representation.

The Second Amendment -- a Pictorial Representation

Um ... wait ...

Guide to Egypt in Pictorial Representations, Part 2. Overpacking.

You should never go on a vacation to an extremely hot country without overpacking.

Elena on the camel: a pictorial representation

So I'm a little rusty, and I was worried about the quality of the drawing, but then realized that all my pictorial representations are shockingly awful, so why worry? I am compiling a Guide to Egypt but I figured why wait who knows how long it will take to be finished? So, without further ado, I give you:

Jury duty

Yesterday and today I had jury duty. I eventually ended up at a criminal courthouse. I was in a jury pool for a misdemeanor case for a man who was charged with public intoxication and assaulting an officer. I myself have prosecuted drinking in public and charges of similar lawlessness, and have defended officers from personnel file review motions. I also work with officers, and am generally protective of them. I am well aware they are not all good, but most are, just like all people, I suppose.

Point being, of all the offenses for this guy to be charged with, these are the kind with which I'm intimately familiar.

The first thing the attorneys did, after voir dire was done, was to go in chambers with the judge to figure out who they would excuse for cause. For cause means bias or the appearance of bias.

I was excused for cause. Of course, had I been picked, I would have judged the case on the facts and the credibility of the witnesses, just as all jurors are instructed to do. But there is also the appearance of bias to deal with here, and I don't think that having me on that jury would have looked good.

Here is a Pictorial Representation of me getting kicked off the jury.

Merry Christmas!

This was inspired by the SUV I saw driving around with a big menorah on the roof during Chanukah. Festive, no?

This should get any straggler into the holiday spirit.

Ms. Ranty Pants

Is an excellent friend since FOREVER, a brilliant blogger, an incredible photographer (and improving by leaps and bounds daily), an indomitable traveler, and mother of Daisy, a 2 year old girl with personality and brains, not to mention the occasional tantrum, who never ever stops moving.

Love you, my darlings. [click on the image for the larger version]

You're old, you're not dead

Yesterday was our annual firm Christmas party. It's my seventh one. Each year it's a little bit of a bigger group, and this year it was very well attended. I mean, it usually is, but this year in particular. We did dinner and a show. Or rather, a show, then dinner.

The show was The Palm Springs Follies, which is a musical revue show whose cast members are between the ages of 56 and 81. Then we had dinner at an excellent Italian restaurant called Sammy G's Tuscan Grill.

Before I say anything else about the Follies, I will say this: GO SEE IT!! It is hilarious, and the performers are not only talented but also the spriest bunch of seniors you'll ever see. Actually, they're a lot more athletic and energetic than most poeple I know half their age. They are all very accomplished performers who have had illustrious careers on Broadway, Vegas and tv. The show was MC'd by Riff Markowitz, who was very Jewish and completely hilarious.

I loved the Chanukah Bear, one of the cast members in a white bear suit who pranced around during some of the Christmas numbers, and in particular during one of those carols that talk about how Christ is our savior and so on and so forth. Nevermind that Christ was not in fact born on Chrstmas at all, and that it was a pagan holiday taken over by the Christians, but that's a whole other story. Point is, the Chanukah bear rocked it.

You can go here for some short videos, though they do not do the show justice AT ALL. The costumes were incredible and very sparkly. In the first half hour or so, the cast members introduced themselves, and the women came out in increasingly gorgeous and elaborate costumes, with gigantic headdresses. I was really hoping for good photos of some of those amazing costumes on their website, but alas they are not. I can think of at least one photographer in my circle of friends who could do a fantastic job for this company and really spruce up the images on the website.

In other words, it irks the heck out of me that they do not have pictures worthy of their show. Arggh.

Ok, moving on.

The show is bright, colorful, a bit bawdy, and totally over the top. Lots of jokes, some of which are mildly offensive, and Markowitz picked some people in the front row and had his fun with them on and off throughout the show. They were excellent sports. One of the people he picked on briefly was a judge from Contra Costa county, who said she does not date, even though she's single. Frankly, I so get that. It's hard enough as an attorney because just the J.D., by itself, is a like giant pair of testicle shears for most men. I can't even imagine what it must be like for her as a judge.

The superfancy costumes showed off the performers' pretty impressive figures. But some of these costumes had a particular feature that was, well, a little awkward. And distracting. Like, I could not tear my eyes away no matter what. I think this is best explained with --

you guessed it --

A PICTORIAL REPRESENTATION!

And I think with that there is really nothing left to say except go see the show, it's the closest you'll get to an acid trip without the actual acid.

How it REALLY went

As I mentioned, I had a lovely time with my friends Katie and Greg and their little girl Madeline. I got to hold her and didn't cause her any harm and she didn't poop on me. But of course, here is a Pictorial Representation of how it could have gone.

HAHAHAHAHA! Aahhh, I crack myself up.

Happy Thanksgiving, you Turkeys!

As you know, every year the President pardons a turkey. This year, two turkeys made the cut. Sorry, bad pun. The turkeys are Apple and Cider. So here's to you, Apple and Cider, may you live the rest of your days in turkey heaven. As it were. With the bad puns!!

You can enjoy the actual pardoning of the turkey in this fun video.