The Gurly Life

Meet Shiro

Adam's new Toyota Prius. Shiro is the Japanese word for white. Classy, yes?

  

To his friends, however, he's Pepe.

Ford's Model T

This Ford Model T has been parked and covered in our garage for months and months and months and months. Maybe years. Tuesday morning it was finally uncovered. I took some pics, which is a darn good thing since by the time I returned in the evening, it was gone.

 

 

Seat belts!

 

Life after the poltergeist

Recently, I was confronted by what I have dubbed a car alarm poltergeist.* This poltergeist consisted of the after market alarm arming itself about a year after I bought the car, and then getting progressively nuttier and beepier. I know beepier is not technically a word, but there's no better way to describe its behavior.

I finally lost patience with it when it actually went off at inopportune moments, and drove my ass all the way to Manhattan Beach (inconvenient from work and from home) to have them disconnect it. 48 hours later, the thing rearmed itself. I went again on Thursday (just as inconvenient as the first time, by the way), and they pulled out the chip altogether. Of course, all the car advice I'd been getting had been "pull the wire out." Yeah. Right. This car has seven, yes SEVEN, computers. Do you really think I'm going to go diving in there and start pulling on wires? I mean, seriously, if I pull out a wire from that thing it's likely that the Pentagon will shut down and all kinds of other hell will break loose. No. Thanks.

Now that the chip has been pulled out, my "key" opens the car on the first click. Before, I had to click it once, no response, then twice, car opens, third time, all the doors open. Now it takes 2 clicks instead of 3.

But the fun part is the horn. The only thing I have not been impressed with in this car is the horn. It isn't't so much a horn as a meep. Really, it's barely louder than a scooter, ok? I mean, it was kind of embarrassing. Today I used the horn for the first time since Thursday and instead of a meep I got a BLAAAAAARP!!!!!! I was all, holy shit, that's rude!

I'll have to lay off the horn now. I was using it somewhat liberally because it was so mellow - I'd just tap it, it would meep, and I'd be satisfied that I made my point. But now, well, I have to reassess the horn-worthy conditions.

I swear I keep waiting for that car to get recalled to the mothership, with me in it. I wonder if Verizon would have coverage there.

*The Unabridged Merriam-Webster dictionary defines poltergeist thus:
Pronunciation: plt(r)gst sometimes päl- or pl-
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): -s
Etymology: German, from poltern to knock, rattle (from Middle High German boldern, buldern) + geist spirit, from Old High German; akin to Middle Low German balderen to make a noise -- more at BOULDER, GHOST
: a noisy and usually mischievous ghost : a spirit capable of making mysterious noises (as rappings)

Today's craziness

Car alarm

I have mentioned before that apparently an after-market alarm was installed in Pixie the Prius prior to my purchase, and that about a year after I bought her, it started arming itself and doing weird shit. And I have mentioned that I drove all the way to the dealership where I bought her to have the alarm disconnected. And that within 2 days of it being disconnected, the damn thing rearmed itself. And that that was creepy and annoying, but mostly annoying.

Because disconnecting it was not enough, I am going back on Thursday to have the thing pulled right out of the car. If the thing alarms itself after that, I'm calling Ghost Hunters. And renaming the car Pixie the Poltergeist.

Family phone call

Today was my and my grandmother's Saint Day. In Italy, a culturally Catholic country, we celebrate the feast day of our namesake saint. So rather than just having, say, St. Patrick's Day, each day of the year commemorates a saint. August 18 is Saint Elena - of course, the notion of me as a saint is laughable, but I digress - so my family had a little party for my grandmother, whose name is also Elena and who's 103, in case you'd forgotten. Since everyone was gathered together, they called me on the phone to wish me happy saint day.

Like for most of our family gatherings, the noise was off the charts with people talking loudly in the background. Everyone grabbed the phone, yelled something like "Happy Saint Day! How are you? I'm sorry about the kitty. When are you coming to visit us in Italy? I can't hear you, it's too noisy here, everyone is yelling WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP hang on, it's too noisy, here's [insert next relative's name.]" Then the next aunt/uncle/cousin would get on and the whole thing would repeat itself.

Finally everyone had their turn, and my cousin, who made the call, got back on the phone and yelled something about hugs and kisses and how she couldn't hear me, and click. One uncle tried to pass himself off as another uncle, but it's hard to get away with that when the person you're speaking with HAS KNOWN YOU ALL THEIR LIFE! But I was able to glean from my aunt that she just got a new computer (from my mom, actually) and that she's learning how to use it she loves it and I'll be getting her email any day now just as soon as she figures it all out.

Thankfully, the madness and chaos have not abated.

Stubborn

I was driving home around 7:30 this evening, on the freeway. It was fairly cool out by then, but a convertible passed me with the top down. Now, native Angelenos don't usually drive on the freeway with the top down. It's just not done, you know? Too many cars, too much smog. This car not only had a guy with grey hair that flew madly as he drove, but his passenger was a little girl.

I thought, it's a bit cold to have that kid in an open convertible on the freeway, how odd. But then I got behind them, and here's what I saw, which clarified everything:

 

In case you missed it, the top of the guy's head is about 2" above the top of the car. The only way he can drive this thing is with the top down. I giggled so much I almost couldn't take this picture. Almost.

Dude, like, you left your wallet at the crime scene!

My friend John B's car was recently involved in a hit and run accident. As in, someone hit John's car, and ran. The operative word, for the purposes of this post, is "run."

What appears to have happened (and I extrapolate from, you know, every hit and run scenario ever) is that the offending driver smashed into the back of John's parked car and took off, most likely because said driver had had a few too many drinks. John's neighbor was home at the time, heard the crash, and rushed to the window to see what happened. By the time the neighbor got to the window, the perp had fled.

Said perp probably felt mighty clever, thinking that considering how much they'd had to drink, their reflexes were sharp, sharp, sharp, and it didn't seem like anyone saw, woo hooo, home free baby. Oh the adrenaline high.

Except...

Let me take a moment to explain: this is the back of John's car, after the accident. As you can see, there is a rectangular piece of something that is impaled by the exhaust pipe. At first glance, it might appear to be part of John's car that somehow ended up sliding or smashing into a weird position as a result of the impact.

Drum roll, please...

That thing is in fact the license plate from the car that hit John's car and then took off.

Yup.

In case you didn't get it, let me sum up the facts thusly: Driver in vehicle A smashes his (or her) car into parked vehicle X, takes off almost at the speed of light, but leaves behind license plate, impaled on vehicle X's exhaust pipe.

Dude, don't go robbing any banks, it's not going to go well.

The moral of the story, of course, is that writing a police report takes longer when you're laughing.

My car is so awesome

Now that Pixie and I are reunited, I can compare driving it to at least 3 other cars. One is my old Saturn, then the VW Beetle, and then the Mazda 3. The VW is certainly the most fun, but it's a gas guzzler because it's sporty. Frankly, while I love a sporty car, I just don't give a shit enough to waste the money on gas. The Mazda was ok. The Saturn is old, so the poor thing is just old.

Going back to the Prius was quite nice. It's smooth and quiet and very responsive in a dignified way. It does not have the pick up the VW has, but because of the electric motor I don't have to push on the gas pedal as much to make it move. And since it gets better gas mileage than even some motorbikes, I think I'll stick with it for now.

By the way, it's as good as new. The shop fixed her up perfectly, and you can't tell either by looking at it or driving it that it was ever in an accident.

Pixie's coming home!

In less than an hour, I am going to the shop to pick up my Pixie. And wouldn't you know it, the shop has an Enterprise Rent-A-Car right in there so I can drop off the rental at the same place where I pick up my Pixie. By the way, did I mention that I backed the rental into a pole? The stupid thing has the worst blind spot, and wouldn't you know it, the pole was right in that blind spot. As I was backing up I thought, "Wait...isn't there a pole right behind...CRUNCH...me." Crap.

I thought about lying to them, and telling them the pole was lower than the car, and I didn't see it, or that I came back to the car and there it was, the dent. But them's lies, pure and simple, so I'll tell them the truth and that will be that. And I say again: crap.

I rented a car today

Since Pixie won't be home until June 19, give or take, which will be about 5 weeks after the accident, and since my insurance company covers car rental, I figured I'd rent a car instead of putting more miles on my already old Saturn. It took longer than anticipated, in part because the place is a small office and you go outside and pick your car out, then to find out that it's either sold or reserved or something.

I wanted a relatively small car because I don't want to spend a fortune in gas. After much back and forth, I came upon a silver VW Bug. Except another customer had just gotten to it 30 seconds before me. So instead of saying something like, do you mind if I take it, I drive a lot of miles and I need a car that won't use up much gas, I said, petulantly, "But I was here first!" HAHAHAHAHA! The other customer was like, ok, crazy, you can have the damn car if you want it. She didn't say that, but that was the attitude. I don't blame her, I was quite childish.

Needless to say, I took the car.

Airborne!

Some people end a particuarly interesting day with a drink. I don't drink, it makes me ill, so when I have a day, sometimes I have a cigarette. Today, I had a cigarette.

All in all, it was an excellent day, but not without some adventures. And by the way, this post is a little rambly, I'm really quite tired as I write this.

This morning Ivy came over to my place to help me move furniture. I need to make room for my new dresser, and I had to get rid of my current one because it has termites. Fortunately, the termites have not spread to anything else. We spent about 3 1/2 hours emptying the dresser and moving it out into the living room, where the fine people of 1-800-GOT-JUNK came and picked it up. They came by within two hours of my calling them. Now that's service. We also hung up some pictures. I've had some Chinese prints that my mom sent me for a while, and finally they're up.

During all this moving and lifting (nothing majorly heavy, by the way), I think I hurt the muscles in my lower back, on the left. They're still a little weak from the hip problem, so they got over taxed. Nothing a little Advil won't take care of.

We then had lunch at the Electric Lotus down the street from my condo, and had lovely Indian food. Chicken curry and some spinach thing with Indian cheese, and rice. I even had a Coke, and finished it. I never finish a Coke. But by the time we got there, we were both hungry and dehydrated -- today was another hot hot day.

My back was hurting a lot, and I was supposed to go to the UCLA reunion. I decided I didn't feel like going, so Ivy and I bought tickets to see the new Narnia movie. We hopped in the car, you know, Pixie the Prius, and off we went. We were about 5 minutes away, traveling west on Franklin, when the woman to our left, in a Mini Cooper, decided she wanted to change lanes. She apparently didn't look because she slowed down and then changed lanes, right into Pixie. I was travelling at about 30mph, maybe even less, and when she hit the left side of my car, we bounced to the right. We were airborne for a couple of seconds, at least 3 feet into the air. To my right was a sidewalk with people sitting at little tables. Someone's Porche was parked in the red zone and we bounced off it. That's where the worst damage happened. The left side the car has a big swipe and the side mirror is hanging off like an eyeball. On the right, however, the damage was around the wheel well. The passenger door couldn't open, and the tire blew. As I walked around to the side, the air was hissing out of it sadly.

No one was hurt, though Ivy did smack her shoulder and hip against the passenger door. I think the first thing I said to Ivy afterwards was "We're going to miss the movie." The lady in the Mini was very apologetic, the Porche guy was very hands on and took everyone's licenses and insurance cards and went inside the restaurant to make copies for everyone. He did the same with the witnesses' contact info. Everyone was very civil, very matter of fact, no raised voices, no hysterics, no melodrama. Both Ivy and I noticed how many times the lady in the Mini apologized, and she said she just didn't see me. Like good lawyers, we took mental notes. I drew a sketch and wrote down a few words about what happened, which was also copied for everyone. I took pictures of the damage to my car, the Mini, and the Porche.

The whole thing happened very fast and in slow motion, as these things do. I saw it happening and I think I said something like, oh shit.

I happened to notice that the Porche guy had had a recent face lift and looked totally weird. I think he also had hair plugs, and had his hair dyed. I notice the weirdest things.

Everyone went on their way. While waiting for the tow truck, I called AAA to make the insurance claim. The tow truck guy was not the most together guy on the planet, unfortunately, and wanted to drive the car around to the back of the tow truck, but we stopped him before he could do too much more damage.

Finally, the car was up on the flatbed (you can't tow a Prius with a regular tow), and we got dropped off at my place. About 1 minute after the guy left, I realized that the keys to my old car, which fortunately I have not sold yet, were in the Prius, in the glove compartment. I was able to retrieve them, but not before a couple of phone calls with the tow truck dispatcher. The driver couldn't figure out why I needed the car keys back, and it took some convincing that I did not need the keys to the Prius but to another car.

Talk about lucky: no real injuries, we didn't kill anyone on the sidewalk (that would have sucked in a big way), and we didn't smash into a pole on the sidewalk, which we might have had it not been for the Porche illegally parked in the red zone.

The insurance company was rather impressed with all the information I'd gathered. In truth, it wasn't just me. It was the Porche guy, the witnesses, and Ivy. Everyone contributed. Immediately people came up to make sure that we weren't hurt. 3 people gave their names and numbers as witnesses. The restaurant manager let us use his photocopy machine and gave me some ice tea. How sweet. People are so great!

We decided that we should go see the movie after all. I mean, why not? So we did. We called the theater, they said they would let us exchange the tickets for a later show. We arrived a few minutes late, and as we were walking up the stairs to our seats, I tripped and fell on my knee. Nothing major, just a slight bruise, and I chafed my elbow. Pffft.

When things like car accidents happen (not often, fortunately), the next few hours I'm a little scattered. Not scattered enough to cause myself more damage, luckily. I noticed that my licence and insurance card were still on the photocopy machine before leaving, for example. The movie allowed me to gather my focus again.

Ivy thinks it'll take a couple of weeks to get the damage fixed. I agree with her. For one of those weeks, almost, I'll be in Philly, so no worries.

The movie was really fun, by the way, I highly recommend it if you like fantasy films. We wandered through a shoe store, and then came home and finished up the Indian food. I made myself a cup of tea, despite the heat, and smoked a cigarette.

Life is good.